Friday, December 11, 2009

Thus Sayest Al

Global warming--the scam of the century.

Once upon a time there was a prophet named Al. He spread the news far and wide--repent, for the sky is falling, the ice caps are melting, yon ozone layer growthest thin and weak.

But the people laughed, in as far as they could move their lips, for the weather was colder than ever before--in fact, record cold temperatures had been posted for the last two years, and this winter promised to be colder yet.

Ah, but when all say peace and safety, then comes the cataclysm. Beware, the prophet persisted. Repent. Come to the ark two by two, all ye two legged and four legged peoples and critters, the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth. And the polar bears. Especially the polar bears. Leave thy coats and thy hats. If they be like to die, they had best do so, and decrease the surplus population. Leave thy rubber boots and thy woolly scarves, for there shall be nothing needful save the Hawaiian shirt and the sandal.

Oh come all ye faithful.

People are not good at long term stuff. It seems so . . . well, so far distant. Who knows what might happen in the meantime. The earth may freeze, for instance, before it has a chance to yield to the disaster of warming--what with the snail's pace involved.

And what about 2012, huh? What's the point in preparing for the famine when there is no food for stockpiling? Which is to say that Al's end time will not have sufficient time to mature.

Eat, drink, and be merry?

Why not? It is, after all, the holiday season.

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