I came across mention the other day of a very odd psychiatriac condition called Cotard's delusion, also known as walking corpse syndrome. It is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that he is dead, does not exist, is putrefying, or has lost all his blood or internal organs.
Fascinating, Captain.
Well, I don't believe myself to be dead (although I may be putrefying a bit). But sometimes I feel that other people believe it to be so. How else to explain silence from people whom one would otherwise expect to have been continually engaged, or at least intermittently so, with one's existence? Loved ones, family members, stepchildren, old friends--indeed, new friends as well. Where have they gone?
But that's not really the question. The question is, Where have I gone in their consciousness? How is it that years of intimate relationship have dropped altogether if not from memory, at least from pertinence? I have tried to take the initiative in the past, to announce my continued existence, but to no avail.
Anti-Cotard's delusion: The delusional belief that someone else is dead. Or perhaps it is not delusional but merely preferred.
By way of immediate example, I met not long ago a very pleasant woman on a social media app. We got along famously from the get-go. We clicked. Not in a romantic way, but just as friends. It seemed one of those strange natural, effortless connections--a like-mindedness, an easy familiarity.
And then one day she simply disappeared. Or I disappeared. Or the me in her mind disappeared. Although I myself continued to be acutely aware not only of my own existence, but of hers as well, the I-in-she had vanished. No explanation offered, no clue left, no apology, no excuse, not a single parting word.
This is my proven gift, my unusual talent. The ability to disappear in the esteem of others. I really have no idea how I do this. If I had, I would stop.
Fascinating, Captain.
Well, I don't believe myself to be dead (although I may be putrefying a bit). But sometimes I feel that other people believe it to be so. How else to explain silence from people whom one would otherwise expect to have been continually engaged, or at least intermittently so, with one's existence? Loved ones, family members, stepchildren, old friends--indeed, new friends as well. Where have they gone?
But that's not really the question. The question is, Where have I gone in their consciousness? How is it that years of intimate relationship have dropped altogether if not from memory, at least from pertinence? I have tried to take the initiative in the past, to announce my continued existence, but to no avail.
Anti-Cotard's delusion: The delusional belief that someone else is dead. Or perhaps it is not delusional but merely preferred.
By way of immediate example, I met not long ago a very pleasant woman on a social media app. We got along famously from the get-go. We clicked. Not in a romantic way, but just as friends. It seemed one of those strange natural, effortless connections--a like-mindedness, an easy familiarity.
And then one day she simply disappeared. Or I disappeared. Or the me in her mind disappeared. Although I myself continued to be acutely aware not only of my own existence, but of hers as well, the I-in-she had vanished. No explanation offered, no clue left, no apology, no excuse, not a single parting word.
This is my proven gift, my unusual talent. The ability to disappear in the esteem of others. I really have no idea how I do this. If I had, I would stop.
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