Having a stroke is a real drag. I do not recommend it. It's one of those things that shows you, much to your surprise, that ultimately you are not in control of your own body, you are not in control of your own life. Suddenly your body decides to do its own thing. One eye stops seeing, for example. Both eyes go blurry. One leg becomes paralyzed. Suddenly your neck freezes and you feel as if you're going to pass out and you experience a temporary incontinence of bladder. You did not plan this and there's nothing you can do about this. You are at the mercy of your own body. When I lie down at night, or indeed increasingly in the middle of the day, I can feel my own brain trying and failing to think. I can feel my brain being stuck in place, not being able to move forward with whatever thought I might have intended. It's very hard to describe, and it is very unpleasant. It seems that the longer I take this medicine the doctors have put me on--the high cholesterol agent and the blood thinner--the worse I feel, and the farther away I am from being well. It's depressing. And so one begins to face some things. Such as the fact that one is no longer young. In 2 months I will be 70. What time, after all, have I in which to recover? And what would recovery even look like at this age? Yes, one begins to face some things. Like it or not. There is no choice.
5 comments:
Rewiring of systems takes time and a fearless mindset. Remember just ditching the pack a day injections of nicotine alone is like driving off a cliff.
Anonymous--You are quite right. Apparently, I am particularly sensitive to the blood thinners and cholesterol lowering agents, and can be driven to the point where I find myself wondering whether the cure is not worse than the cause.
All of the medications available is keeping us all on artificial life support.If your goal is to live longer, then by all means continue with life support.
Anonymous--Hmm. I'm not quite sure what to make of this most recent comment--whether you are opining that the meds are worth the pain or that they are not. And to be honest, I don't know whether it is the meds that are the primary source of the trouble or the continuing effect of the strokes. So I guess I would say and answer that yes, I want to live longer but no, not on life support.
Wow have to comment on anon#2’s comment. Perhaps if we take it to an illogical conclusion, all forces of this naturally farcical excuse for reality would be encapsulated in the matrix drug while our true corporeal bodies lie dormant feeding the machines that prop this poop house up as if it were the real deal. If I had ever had an NDE, which fortunately I have not, it would make sense why I’m meant to be here for now rather than enjoying the comforts of the promised land. At minimum however I can from an experiential approximation or two or three attest to the probable existence of such a domain. But lack of perfect clarity being a hallmark of this uncomfortable realm, I’m in no hurry as yet to shove off and prove myself correct. Or not.
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