Even after nine years here in Bali (to the best of my foggy recollection), I am still occasionally surprised by the cultural divides I encounter. I was talking to a woman online, for instance, and she was telling me that she had fallen in love with someone, but he thought that they should stop chatting.
"Why?"
"Oh, because he is a very strong Muslim and he feels like he might do or say something wrong. But I love him very much. What can I do to make him stay?"
"Hmmm. Why do you love him so much."
"Because he's such a strong Muslim. A woman needs a strong man. He can guide me, teach me the 'right way'."
Guide me and teach me the right way? Would this not be perfectly odious to the modern American woman?
But there you have it. Indonesia's is an emphatically patriarchal society, and Islam is a stubbornly patriarchal religion. This is her world, her frame of reference.
"I wouldn't even mind if he had several wives," she said. "Do you think a dukun could help?"
"Dukun? You mean a sort of witch doctor?"
"Yes."
"Hmmm. Help how?"
"Well, you know, like make him fall in love with me? Lol."
Ah, that ol black magic.
"I dunno. It seems to me that a man who has several wives is somehow lacking in devotion to any particular one, don't you think?"
"I don't know what you're saying."
"Let me put it this way. In my religion, a man and his wife become one flesh. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. Not a man and several wives. He is devoted to the one only, ideally. And if you ask me, based on three marriages, one wife requires sufficient devotion."
"Ya, I know. We don't have that."
All righty then.
"Please help me, Sir."
"I told you, my name is not 'Sir'. It's Richard. Or Will. Either one."
"I can't say that."
"Why?"
"It would be improper. Disrespectful."
"Yes, but--"
"Anyway, can you please help me? I'm so in love, and now he doesn't want to talk to me."
"Did you tell him you're so in love?"
"No. I can't say that."
"Improper, right?"
"Yes."
"Oh well then, try the dukun. Could be the only way around religion!"
"Why?"
"Oh, because he is a very strong Muslim and he feels like he might do or say something wrong. But I love him very much. What can I do to make him stay?"
"Hmmm. Why do you love him so much."
"Because he's such a strong Muslim. A woman needs a strong man. He can guide me, teach me the 'right way'."
Guide me and teach me the right way? Would this not be perfectly odious to the modern American woman?
But there you have it. Indonesia's is an emphatically patriarchal society, and Islam is a stubbornly patriarchal religion. This is her world, her frame of reference.
"I wouldn't even mind if he had several wives," she said. "Do you think a dukun could help?"
"Dukun? You mean a sort of witch doctor?"
"Yes."
"Hmmm. Help how?"
"Well, you know, like make him fall in love with me? Lol."
Ah, that ol black magic.
"I dunno. It seems to me that a man who has several wives is somehow lacking in devotion to any particular one, don't you think?"
"I don't know what you're saying."
"Let me put it this way. In my religion, a man and his wife become one flesh. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. Not a man and several wives. He is devoted to the one only, ideally. And if you ask me, based on three marriages, one wife requires sufficient devotion."
"Ya, I know. We don't have that."
All righty then.
"Please help me, Sir."
"I told you, my name is not 'Sir'. It's Richard. Or Will. Either one."
"I can't say that."
"Why?"
"It would be improper. Disrespectful."
"Yes, but--"
"Anyway, can you please help me? I'm so in love, and now he doesn't want to talk to me."
"Did you tell him you're so in love?"
"No. I can't say that."
"Improper, right?"
"Yes."
"Oh well then, try the dukun. Could be the only way around religion!"
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