Saturday, October 3, 2009

Space Cadet

Totally spaced out today--a condition which for me is a deviation from baseline spaciness. It's something that just jumps you, like a sudden dog, or a mugger. It is just there, and you find yourself realizing it rather than experiencing its arrival. It is rather like reaching for your wallet only to find you have left it behind.

This morning I left my brain behind and did not know it--which is actually not surprising, for if one leaves his brain behind, then he does not presently have a brain to know with.

There is a sort of process to brainlessness that has a character of its own--something like the laws that govern dark space and black holes. The first I knew of the absence of my brain was when I called the bank on my cell phone. My paycheck should have been deposited last night, and yet I find only $300 in my account. What the hell? What now? Have my wages been garnished by a photo radar machine? Has there been a mix up in the automatic deposit? Did my wife take my card whilst I slept?

So I set about figuring out what I'm going to do. And I instantly realize that figuring is presently unavailable. The function has been left back at home with the rest of my brain. I head for Starbucks instead. Usually I can substitute caffeine for the unavailable portions of cognition, or at least to some degree. It's better than nothing.

Next, however, after five or ten minutes, I realize that I have taken a road to Starbucks that is quite entirely the wrong road. Why? Where am I headed? The bank? I don't know.

This throws a switch, like the ones used on railroad tracks, conveying the train left or right. Clattering along the wrong road, I suddenly realize that the bank did not show the deposit of my paycheck because I had called the wrong bank.

Ultimately I end up at Hollywood Video instead of Starbucks. Obviously I have stopped here to return a movie, though a quick search of my person and my car reveals that I have no movie to return.

I start to think about the last movie I saw, and yet discover that I know nothing whatsoever about it, not even the name.

The last movie I watched was last night, about 8 or 9 hours ago.

Caffeine, they say, is good for quite a number of ailments. It is good for heart disease, and for headaches. It has even been found to be good for MS. So here I am at Starbucks, sucking the life from my cappuccino. See now much better I'm thinking now?

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