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By now we have probably all heard about Alemtuzumab, an encouraging new treatment for MS currently undergoing study in Britain. Alemtuzumab, a drug originally developed to treat leukemia, should not be confused with Alahmtuzumab, a prominent sheik in Yemen, or with Aleczktuzumab, a popular kiwi flavored soft drink enjoyed in Yugoslavia.

In the United States, pharmaceutical giants invested in what are now appearing to be less productive poisons, such as Avonex and beta seron, are royally pissed off. Ad campaigns are already underway encouraging Americans suffering with MS to remain wary of the Brits and to continue to buy American.

In the meantime, laboratory rats approached at various experimental drug centers were noncommittal regarding the possible beneficial effects of Alemtuzumab. Many thought it to be just another of them big scientific words, while a few believed it to be a green cheese associated with Portugal. A large percentage, however, expressed worry over job security.

In related news, Sheik Alahmtuzumab has filed suit against the University of Cambridge for identity theft. The Aleczktuzumab Kiwi Soda Company has declared bankruptcy.

Not a Cure for the Common Cold

It so happens that I came down with a cold yesterday. I had hoped to avoid this, despite the sneezing, coughing, hacking, drooling presence of my infected family members. My neurologist, after all, had told me that people with MS are less like to contract common illnesses since our immune systems are overactive, attacking not only the things that are not supposed to be swimming around in our bodies, but the things that are as well.

So, the first thing my wife asked, upon seeing that I had come down with the cold, was whether I had taken my shot. What has this to do with anything? Does she imagine that the interferon will kill the cold virus? Best thing for that cold is a stiff shot of poison! If interferon was a cure for the cold, surely they'd have lemon flavored lozenges available, or some kind of stuff you spray up your nose.

Yeah, I took my shot, all right. That's why I'm feeling like the walking dead. Little does she know, apparently, that my shot makes the cold worse than it would have been if left to itself.

The next morning our friend Albert calls.

"Man, you sound lousy," he says. "Did you take your shot?"

The shot again. What's up with the shot?

"Oh, I thought it kept you from getting colds and stuff," he explains. "I'm sure your wife told me that."

I figure next time he feels a cold coming on, I'll loan him a pre-filled syringe. Bottoms up, Buddy.

Blog for a Brain

I am an idiot. I freely admit to it. In fact, I insist that this be recognized from the outset by anyone finding himself in a position to evaluate my person. How much of this idiocy is the fault of demyelination in my brain and how much of it preexisted MS I am not sure. I prefer to lay the entire blame on MS. Simplify, simplify, simplify, as Thoreau said.

All day long I've been struggling to create a blog--nothing fancy, mind you--just a basic blogspot blog. The first thing I did was to ask a friend how to send a link to my wonderful new blog--you know, the kind you can click on for transport directly to the site. My friend, a beautiful young woman with a brain the size of Louisiana, typed down the necessary HTML symbols for me, and between the symbols wrote http://www.your-website-address-here/.

This is exactly what I copied and pasted in a post announcing my new website.

I present this as Exhibit A, a comprehensive proof of my idiocy.

Two days in a row now I planned a backed potato and ham dinner, yet neglected the baking part where the potatoes are concerned.

This is why they make frozen pizzas and pancakes in a box. For people like me.

Gimme a minute to catch my breath. It is a sentiment that is becoming ever more familiar. If only EVERYTHING and EVERYONE would slow down a tad bit, I'll regain my feet, catch up with the pack, get back in sync. Hold on a sec. I've hit a bit of a wall here (the Wall of China).

Yet the race goes on, run by those who are able. I stagger back into the lane, imagining that I can still see a faint trace of the dust from the long gone feet of the last runner.

I know this. It's right on the tip of my tongue. I can do this. Just one more minute to rest.

Blogging for Dummies with Multiple Sclerosis

What does one do when he is technology challenged to begin with, and then also has multiple sclerosis? He purchases every Dummy book he can get his hands on--in this case, Blogging for Dummies. The end result is a rather dumb looking blog, which either is or is not better than nothing.

A blog, as I am told, is a platform. It is not made of wood, but of words. Herein the author shows himself to be a person of talent and interest to those in high places, garnering the rewards of recognition and forging for himself the next best thing to actual credentials, banking on the notion that one can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time.

It occurs to me (as an aside) that these Dummy books, already so popular, could find a greatly expanded market among those of us with MS. Walking in a Straight Line for People with MS, for instance. Thinking Straight for People with MS. The Dummy's with MS Guide to Remembering the Simplest Things on Earth. And so forth.

Space, the final frontier. The blogosphere. Enter at your own risk. And so I add my voice to the bewildering din.