Culture Shock

 I find of late that I have been largely sheltered from "the real Indonesia" here in Bali. It is an island of comparatively liberal values and culture, both catering to and transformed by western tourism. A live and let live attitude seems to permeate the place. Relationships are relaxed where people prefer it or traditional where others prefer that, and you may have the one on this corner of the street and the other on the next without conflict of discomfort. 

Not so in my friend Eveline's little town, some distance outside of Jogyakarta on the island of Java. There the culture is much more like that of America in 1900 or so. Children, especially female children, are controlled by their parents, who in turn are controlled by the expectations and moral rigidities of the community--even grown children like Eveline, who is 48 years old. She is beholden to her parents and expected to be obedient and "proper", whatever that might mean.  

As an example, Eveline has two ex-boyfriends with whom she is still friendly. They enjoy going out together, hanging out for dinner at the warung, taking a drive, or whatever. They're doing nothing wrong or outrageous or scandalous, but just  having a simple good time. And yet, Eveline came home last night from having pizza with her ex-boyfriend to find herself suddenly forbidden to see him again. Forbidden. Do we even use this word in English anymore? 

But it doesn't look good to the neighbors, her parents say. It doesn't look good to the community. The friendship is an embarrassment and a negative reflection on them.

Goodness. 

No, as it turns out, if a man and a woman spend time in each other's company they must be officially going together, preferably on a short path toward marriage. 

"You know," I told her, "in America we would say 'Mom, Dad, I love you both--but butt out of my private life!'" 

"Oh, we can't do that," Eveline answered. 

"So what will you do? I mean, you've been hanging out together for a couple of years, even after your relationship, right?"

"Oh, I'll just tell them he's my boyfriend again, officially you know, and then I'll break up with him when I find someone else." 

Lol. Well, that's one way to go about it, albeit a rather circuitous one. But it will look better, that's the point. The lie will look better around town. It will look better than simple friendship. 

Sheesh.