Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Confused and Disoriented--Status Quo

I am once again experiencing a day of confusion and disorientation--a step above the usual, that is. I always find myself thinking that something must have triggered this. What did I do, or fail to do? No enough freshly squeezed fish oil lately? Did I forget my vitamin D? Did I sleep too long? Not long enough? Is this going to be permanent, or will my brain return tomorrow?

But I suppose it's just MS. I suppose I'm just feeling the lesions today, falling into the holes.

I become aware that I need to watch myself from here on out for the day. I have already driven around in circles, passed the places I was supposed to go, forgotten the errands I was supposed to do. Just five minutes ago I left my wallet sitting on the table at Starbucks while I went outside for a cigarette. Good thing the world is so full of honest people. Or blind people. Whichever is the case.

The frustrating thing is that the day itself becomes a waste of time. I had big plans this morning, but it has now become apparent that accomplishing the simplest of things is going to be a significant challenge in itself. And it's going to take two or three times as long as it should, given the time my brain insists of devoting to staring into space.

There seems no other option than to surrender this one to the abyss, reserve my energy for tomorrow, go home, take a nap.

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