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Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Subservience

One will very often see women 'serving' men here in Indonesia. Even after eight years here (or is it nine?), this seems decidedly un-American to me. Twenty-first century American, I mean. Or even mid 20th century American. 

One will see a couple come into Starbucks, for instance, and observe as the man sets his ass down in a chair while the woman goes and arranges the coffee order, brings the coffee to the man, brings him a napkin and so on and so forth, gets him all set up before sitting down and enjoying her own coffee. I have even seen women feeding men, as if the man is too helpless to lift his own spoon. 

Isn't it generally the other way around in America? 

Well, at least that's the sort of behavior my father always taught me. Open the door for a woman, find her a seat, take care of the order, don't start eating until the woman has begun. These were the common social graces, the behavior that typified a gentleman. 

Is that all passe now? 

There is an attitude among some American men that Asian women are preferable because they are more respectful of the man, more 'lak a woman arta be'. In short, subservient. Well, I hate to tell y'all, but they are not this way by choice. They are this way according to a long history of cultural conditioning. They don't behave this way out of superior respect but merely out of habit. They too in due time will struggle through their own period of liberation toward the goal of true equality, hopefully, wherein we "serve one another in love" (Gal 5:13). 

I know of a Pennsylvania man who had proposed marriage to an Indonesian friend of mine. His expectation, as he openly admitted, was that she would be more 'submissive' than an American woman. She was to raise his child, do the cooking and housework and other such chores, while he would go out into the world and bring home the bacon. She was to marry him upon her arrival in the States (although they had never yet met in person) and they would proceed to live happily ever after. 

Well, this woman phoned me one day, weeping because her fiancĂ© had angrily shouted at her on a video call. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"He said he was busy when I called. I had interrupted him."  

"Hmm. So why not just ask you to kindly call later?"

"Well … I guess it irritated him. I shouldn't have called when he was busy." 

A blatant trespass, that. 

Soon, the scene was to repeat itself when the poor woman had the audacity to express herself honestly, and with an eye toward being helpful, in explaining to him that Muslims are just people like everyone else, not for the most part crazed terrorists. 

This met with violent rejection, more shouting and cursing. 

"Honey," I advised, "run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. Your boyfriend is a nitwit and you are going to end up committing yourself to a life in hell." 

Happily, she ultimately agreed and cut all ties with the man (who is probably even now seeking a replacement slave). 

Don't serve a man. Serve a love that serves you in turn. 

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