Monday, November 17, 2008

MSFLT--Coming Soon!

I find myself increasingly locked out of my own life by passwords that I cannot remember. These are not exotic sequences of code, but rather simple, easy to remember sets of letters and/or numbers--like my name or birth date.

There are some user names, some passwords, that require letters and at least one number. There are some that do not. But which is which? For me, logging into the Internet, or LiveJournal, or my bank account, or my own website, is a matter of trial and error. I keep trying until I get in, or until an administrative message pops up and tells me I have tried too many times.

Try again later.

I have therefore determined that a need exists for the MS-Friendly Laptop and Internet (MSFLT). This will be a system devoted to people with MS in particular, but also handy for any person suffering from cognitive, spatial, coordination and/or memory challenges.

First off, no user name or password will be required of each individual user. In fact, these will not be allowed. Attempts to invent a personal user name or private password will result in a critical system failure, and the user will be referred to a website marketing refurbished IBM typewriters and transistor radios--the one to be used for preparing documents, the other for surfing.

As with my prototype X-Box for MS (MSX-Box), these consoles (i.e. laptops) will be roughly three times the size of your standard Dell or Compaq (so just a bit shorter than an upright piano), in order that the keys may also be three times the normal size.

Logging onto the Internet will require the depression of only one key, labeled MSI. Again, no password, no user name. Upon arriving at the MSFLT Home Screen, one will again merely type in his desired destination (in the large box titled Where The Fuck Do You Want To Go?), and voila! The specially programmed MSFLT system will find your page, update your account, protect your identity, and order a pizza--all with just one keystroke!

Say goodbye to frustration, goodbye to pockets stuffed with yellow sticky notes, goodbye to eyestrain and migraines. MSFLT IS HERE! (or on the drawing board, anyway).

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