Haven't taken my Copaxone for three days now. These permanent lumps under the skin freak me out. Lumps that itch. It's just creepy, ya know? Got one in my stomach, one in my arm.
I guess lumps under the skin remind me of the lumps that my brother and my best friend had. Lumps that ended up being cancer. Now of course it is perfectly unreasonable to make the leap from an itchy Copaxone lump to a terminal cancer lump, but somewhere deep down, where memory leaves logic behind and becomes pure reaction, I do make the leap; and I think Why am I injecting myself with this toxic chemical that causes permanent itchy lumps under my skin that might be cancer or God knows what?
Besides that, I feel okay (better, I think) when I'm off the medication. It's all very subjective. Maybe the only reason I feel better is because I am not creating new itchy lumps.
I remember when I was a young boy, about 12 I guess, I developed a small lump beneath each of my nipples. Oh my God, I thought, dear Lord in heaven--I'm turning into a woman! Help me Jesus! The panic I felt was indescribable; I was overcome by shame, up against an embarrassment so complete that there seemed no answer but to leap from a high window and end it all. Something had to be done, but what? My shame must never see the light of day.
In the end, as my bosoms became more and more tender, I made up a story wherein I had been hit in the nipple by a football (struck down and turned to a woman in the midst of playing a manly game). Thanks to my lie, I was able at last to take my growing tits to a doctor.
Hit in the nipple with a football?
Yes.
In both nipples?
Yes.
With one football or two?
Just one.
At the same time in both nipples, or once in each.
Well, it was different times, but the same day.
I see, I see. Hmm, hmmm. Curious--this doesn't look like a football injury to me.
I can imagine now the laugh he and my mother must have had upon retiring to his office while I was left in the waiting room--Just I and my imagination. A clear case of transgender syndrome. You will want, of course, to change your name. You could keep the R and just change the other letters around . . . from Richard to, say, Rachel . . . how's that sound?
I'm afraid we have a problem here, son. One cannot have both breasts and a penis. Something will need to go.
Yes, very strange, very strange indeed. I wonder if you would mind my showing you about at the next international conference of medical professionals? This is certainly a case altogether unknown in modern science. Have you noticed, by the way, any hint of a vagina coming on between your legs?
My God, if this is what I think it is, what we're looking at here is a completely self sufficient sexual organism--able both to impregnate and conceive. Why, from here forth you could populate the world on your own.
Well, in reality it turns out to be a fairly common thing for males in puberty to mimic a female attribute for a short time, a temporary confusion of biology, a mere hiccough in the progression to adulthood. I look back now and cannot help but laugh. But you know what? I am not laughing at these Copaxone bumps. No siree, Bob.
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