Shut Down

Something I have noticed about MS, or about me, or about me in combination with MS is that sustained conversations can often be exhausting. I suppose that's partly because I'm making the extra effort to use a foreign tongue; but, even in English, I find that I will soon tire, soon begin to feel dull and overheated, like conversation is too large a demand on my brain. I spoke today with Iadi for a prolonged period of time at Starbucks (and, you see, the word "prolonged" comes to mind, although in fact it was only for the duration of his break time), and by the time we were done talking, I felt curiously empty, fatigued, like I needed a nap! When Hendra came out for his own break, I found myself barely able to speak any further. There were the usual conversational openings, but I let them pass. All I could think of was how much effort it would take to go into any detail or at any length. 

A similar thing happens when there are too many people speaking at the same time -- like more than two, I mean. Including myself. Words seem to get all entangled together in the air, crowding and pushing at one another, such that the flow of conversation cannot be followed. I try, but I soon give up -- closing my ears to the din, and speaking only if addressed directly by one voice. 

When overloaded, the MS brain becomes overheated, like a leaky radiator in a car. It chugs along, trying to keep running, but ultimately kind of shuts down, waits for a refreshing drought of quiet and rest. 

In short, the MS sufferer will rarely be the 'life of the party'. :)