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Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Replacements

One amazing though less than admirable thing about MS is that it always replaces one problem with another; or maybe this is admirable in its own way, speaking as it does to the incredible inventiveness that lies in the disease processes of humankind. Suffering hates a vacuum? 

Anyway, as the pain in my neck and shoulders generally subsides, becoming more of a grumble than a shriek, reinforcements arrive in the form of other pains and discomforts. Two have lately raised their venomous heads to make certain that I should not rest or, God forbid, feel well. 

The first is a resurgent intolerance to heat. Even though the weather here is not nearly as hot as usual, the problem is that, in MS, the body no longer bothers to regulate core temperature according to ambient temperature. Therefore, as the heat of the day becomes more intense, the system makes no adjustment in body temperature. Instead of saying, "Gee, it's hot outside today", we say "Gee, who lit the damn furnace at the center of my soul!" It truly feels like you've got this roaring fire inside of you, rising to your chest and neck and face. It would be a little bit of a relief if smoke could escape from your nostrils and ears, but of course it doesn't. The only relief I can find is to just get under cold shower water, though the relief is temporary. It's kinda like pouring water on a grease fire and expecting that to really help any. Naturally (or is it unnatural?), the inner boiling eventually results in fatigue and headache, and also exacerbates the pain problem that had been trying to go away. 

The second new, or rather familiar old problem has been in a renewal (is that the right word?) of cognitive dysfunction. This is irritating on a number of levels, but most particularly, in the last couple of days, in that it makes me look stupid or senile. Suddenly, I am unable to find words. All the trouble I've taken to learn Indonesian, and now the language has vanished! Hell, even English is vanishing!  And there's more. I'm sitting here talking to Hendra about our friends and acquaintances who work at Starbucks or are otherwise related to our conversation, and I'll be damned if I can remember their names! It's like, "Oh, I was talking yesterday to … uh … whozit? … you know, the girl … umm …. "

Holy crap. How embarrassing. Poor guy has Alzheimer's or something. Poor old feeble Pak Will. 

Of course, once you get back home, the name pops back into your head. Fat lot of use that is now, right?  

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