I was thinking this morning about how sometimes we do things that are not really like things that we would do. We are aware that we have done the unlike thing, and we are aware, at least on a superficial level, of why we did the thing, and yet we are also painfully aware of being repulsed by the thing--the thing which "the real me" would not have done.
It's complicated. As the Apostle Paul wrote, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
We know what is good and right, yet on occasion we will find ourselves doing what is wrong, not good, not us. We know it to be so. And after the deed is done or the word is spoken, we find ourselves at the mercy of the very act or word that we would not do but did. We are judged by the aberration and cannot help but acknowledge that the judgement is proper. Again, as Paul says, "I agree that the law is good", in that it abhors, with us, the wrongful deed.
"Now if I do what I do not want to do," Paul continues, "it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." It is the working throughout humankind of the mystery of iniquity.
I guess I got to thinking about all this through the influence of The Outsider. In that novel, Stephen King imagines a malevolent force or entity that is able to perfectly mimic the form of any random human being. The entity is thus able to masquerade as the otherwise good and decent person, though this entity lives on the fuel of maliciousness, the blood of murder and trespass and sorrow. He is that which we would not be which has nonetheless become us.
In some sense, we all host an outsider, tirelessly doing his best to be what we, in our heart of hearts, would not be.
It's complicated. As the Apostle Paul wrote, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
We know what is good and right, yet on occasion we will find ourselves doing what is wrong, not good, not us. We know it to be so. And after the deed is done or the word is spoken, we find ourselves at the mercy of the very act or word that we would not do but did. We are judged by the aberration and cannot help but acknowledge that the judgement is proper. Again, as Paul says, "I agree that the law is good", in that it abhors, with us, the wrongful deed.
"Now if I do what I do not want to do," Paul continues, "it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." It is the working throughout humankind of the mystery of iniquity.
I guess I got to thinking about all this through the influence of The Outsider. In that novel, Stephen King imagines a malevolent force or entity that is able to perfectly mimic the form of any random human being. The entity is thus able to masquerade as the otherwise good and decent person, though this entity lives on the fuel of maliciousness, the blood of murder and trespass and sorrow. He is that which we would not be which has nonetheless become us.
In some sense, we all host an outsider, tirelessly doing his best to be what we, in our heart of hearts, would not be.
No comments:
Post a Comment