New Life, New Med

Very soon now I will start on Copaxone, the non-interferon MS treatment that does not cause flu-like symptoms. Having had no relapses for two years, I cannot help but wonder if I need to take the medicine at all.

I remember how my son used to periodically decide that he had been miraculously cured of diabetes. He had prayed a lot, and his insulin requirements would seem to have diminished, and so he would quit the insulin altogether. Predictably enough, he would soon be running blood sugars in the 400s and 500s, and be forced to admit that he had not been cured after all. Not this time.

He has never given up. He continues the pattern to this very day.

For me, there had never been any doubt about his condition. Type 1 diabetes results from a destructive process in the pancreas. The ability of the organ to produce insulin and thus regulate blood sugar has been destroyed. You cannot magically revive the organ through either will power or prayer any more than you can raise the dead from their graves.

Why then is my response to my own condition any less final? Is is not infinitely more reasonable to conclude either than the Avonex has kept me from further relapses for the past two years, or that my disease has simply been dormant for a bit, anticipating the next opportunity for rampage?

Yes, I feel fine. But I felt fine also before the first attack, and before the second attack. What is real and what a delusion--the feeling of good health or the fact of disease?

In a funny sort of way, I cannot help but be taught by my son, for I have seen faith fall at the feet of flesh too many times to miss the point.

I have multiple sclerosis. It has taken sensation from my feet and legs, it has sapped my energy and sucked at my strength, it has dulled my mind and dug ruts and holes in the neural highways of mental conveyance, making me dull and sluggish, forgetful and confused, feeble, stupid, dim-witted, unable.

What is left to doubt? Is my case not just as clear as my son's?

Keep praying, my pastor says. Keep coming to church. We need to keep this thing down.

And take the Copaxone too, reason adds. Better safe than sorry.