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Friday, February 13, 2009

Popularity, Or Not

MS does not make a person popular.

I know, that sounds like kind of a no brainer. Maybe I should have put it this way:

MS makes a person less popular than he had previously been.

I must admit to having had a notion, in the graceful days, that the presence of a serious illness might sharpen the attention of compassion, that it might provide a sort of absolution for old conflicts and open a new door of reconciliation between people who had had their troubles in the past.

But it is not so. Or at least not in my experience thus far.

For the most part, I have found that people do not take a step closer. They take a step back. Old lovers take a step back, old friends, new friends, coworkers. You name it. People in management positions at work tow the line of official philanthropy, and yet in their subsequent actions they reveal a new irritability, a hard-ass sort of impatience. What do you mean you need the day off? Time off for the doctor--again? How many MRIs do they want you to get?

Business is business. Period.

Illnesses, special needs, compromises piss people off. And then, in order to cover their own guilt, they decide that the whole thing is a fake anyway. And they are not about to swallow this particular worm.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

We learn anew the truths contained in old cliches.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here here...I would have to agree, for the most part, with this point of view as evidenced by my own observations of living with MS for 20 years.
You couldn't tell I had this disease for most of those years until recently, when it amended my gait and made it more difficult to keep up the pace of the able-bodied world. THAT's when I noted a falling off of "invites". It's true, I am less spontaneous, have less stamina, and need to know more about particular venues and events. As in, how far is it from point A to point B and blah, blah, blah. So, I don't blame people to a certain degree. It is what it is and falls in line with my baseline knowledge that we all are human and fallible and that people will let you down.
I cope by simply expecting less, yet keeping my heart and mind as open as possible. I am overall content, but it's taken practice!