Another 'Hello Talk' (language app) story.
Yesterday morning, a young woman contacted me wanting (she said) to learn English. Our ensuing conversation, however, conducted throughout in Indonesian, concerned her relationship with her boyfriend, her views on marriage, which she feels is not only unnecessary but distinctly inadvisable, and her general views on Indonesian men and women.
The young woman is 17.
The goal of the Indonesian woman, she told me, is to be very beautiful and very thin (both of which, she mentioned, she herself is). The woman then marries a successful, wealthy man and becomes the jewel on his finger (after he buys it for her, that is). In the mall, she asks for whatever she wants, and gets it. At home she is fussy, garrulous, quarrelsome (though still very thin and very beautiful). For this reason, she does not mind that her man seeks a more agreeable woman on the side, because the important thing is the money. The man may even be gross and short of temper. It's okay. Again, the important thing is money.
It is the goal of men as well, she tells me, to seek the very beautiful, very thin woman. Oh, and also the light-skinned woman. This is for status. The important thing is status. If a man is wealthy and successful, he will of course have a worthy woman (beautiful, thin, and light skinned). She is for show, a sort of badge or credential. There are plenty of other sorts to be had on the side, and that's fine as long as he keeps things in their proper order. Number 1 is number 1, and number 2 is not.
Well, eventually, the girl tells me she is cutting out of school and heading to the mall with her boyfriend, and signs off.
Nonetheless, I receive several message during the day. The messages say "Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
Later on in the evening, she contacts me again.
"Hi."
Hi, I type.
"I'm breaking up with my boyfriend."
"Oh?"
"Ya."
"Why."
"I don't like him anymore."
"Ah, okay. Sorry to hear that."
A period of silence follows, perhaps half an hour, and then she texts me again.
"Hey, Mister …"
"Yes?"
"I think you are very handsome in your photo."
"Oh? Well, thank you. It's not something that I often hear."
"Hey … Can I be your girlfriend?"
"Lol. You're just a kid."
"No I'm not. I'm an adult. Anyway, I like men who are more mature. Thirty, forty, even 50!"
"Well, I'm more than mature, that's for certain. I'm ancient."
"It's okay lah."
"Plus, you wouldn't like me, because I'm not successful and wealthy."
"Nah, it's okay lah."
"Moreover, we are on two different islands."
"Ya? Why do we have to be on the same island? It's not a problem. The main thing is that you're handsome."
Hmmm. How did the main thing go from success and wealth to mere good looks?
"Yeah," I write, "but also I prefer fat, homely women, not thin and beautiful ones like you."
"Oh … Oke. Well then, can you introduce me to a friend?"
"Hmm. Bule or Indonesian?"
"Bule. But I can't speak English."
I consider mentioning that the purpose of the Hello Talk site is to learn English, or another language, but decide not to bother.
"It's okay. Lah," I tell her. "But the thing is, all the bule men I know here are crazy. Sakit jiwa."
At this point she disappears for a time, and then perhaps two hours later she is back.
"Hey, Mister, I don't want sakit jiwa."
"Yeah, I don't blame you."
"Just you then."
Hah! Sloppy seconds. Story of my life.
"Ok, let me get this straight. I don't have to be rich or successful or even on the same island, right?"
"Ya, it's ok."
"All right then. Let me think about it."
Satisfied by this, she signs off for the night. Or perhaps surfs about for more suitable candidates in the meantime.
The thing is, though, she has all the stereotypes, all the clichés just right--for I have heard this story a hundred times: the wealthy, successful man, the slender, beautiful woman, the expectations of the male and the female, the secondary plots and flings, the vacuous desire for meaningless things, the endless search in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons. Everyone knows this story, and everyone believes it. It is the way things are.
Yesterday morning, a young woman contacted me wanting (she said) to learn English. Our ensuing conversation, however, conducted throughout in Indonesian, concerned her relationship with her boyfriend, her views on marriage, which she feels is not only unnecessary but distinctly inadvisable, and her general views on Indonesian men and women.
The young woman is 17.
The goal of the Indonesian woman, she told me, is to be very beautiful and very thin (both of which, she mentioned, she herself is). The woman then marries a successful, wealthy man and becomes the jewel on his finger (after he buys it for her, that is). In the mall, she asks for whatever she wants, and gets it. At home she is fussy, garrulous, quarrelsome (though still very thin and very beautiful). For this reason, she does not mind that her man seeks a more agreeable woman on the side, because the important thing is the money. The man may even be gross and short of temper. It's okay. Again, the important thing is money.
It is the goal of men as well, she tells me, to seek the very beautiful, very thin woman. Oh, and also the light-skinned woman. This is for status. The important thing is status. If a man is wealthy and successful, he will of course have a worthy woman (beautiful, thin, and light skinned). She is for show, a sort of badge or credential. There are plenty of other sorts to be had on the side, and that's fine as long as he keeps things in their proper order. Number 1 is number 1, and number 2 is not.
Well, eventually, the girl tells me she is cutting out of school and heading to the mall with her boyfriend, and signs off.
Nonetheless, I receive several message during the day. The messages say "Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
Later on in the evening, she contacts me again.
"Hi."
Hi, I type.
"I'm breaking up with my boyfriend."
"Oh?"
"Ya."
"Why."
"I don't like him anymore."
"Ah, okay. Sorry to hear that."
A period of silence follows, perhaps half an hour, and then she texts me again.
"Hey, Mister …"
"Yes?"
"I think you are very handsome in your photo."
"Oh? Well, thank you. It's not something that I often hear."
"Hey … Can I be your girlfriend?"
"Lol. You're just a kid."
"No I'm not. I'm an adult. Anyway, I like men who are more mature. Thirty, forty, even 50!"
"Well, I'm more than mature, that's for certain. I'm ancient."
"It's okay lah."
"Plus, you wouldn't like me, because I'm not successful and wealthy."
"Nah, it's okay lah."
"Moreover, we are on two different islands."
"Ya? Why do we have to be on the same island? It's not a problem. The main thing is that you're handsome."
Hmmm. How did the main thing go from success and wealth to mere good looks?
"Yeah," I write, "but also I prefer fat, homely women, not thin and beautiful ones like you."
"Oh … Oke. Well then, can you introduce me to a friend?"
"Hmm. Bule or Indonesian?"
"Bule. But I can't speak English."
I consider mentioning that the purpose of the Hello Talk site is to learn English, or another language, but decide not to bother.
"It's okay. Lah," I tell her. "But the thing is, all the bule men I know here are crazy. Sakit jiwa."
At this point she disappears for a time, and then perhaps two hours later she is back.
"Hey, Mister, I don't want sakit jiwa."
"Yeah, I don't blame you."
"Just you then."
Hah! Sloppy seconds. Story of my life.
"Ok, let me get this straight. I don't have to be rich or successful or even on the same island, right?"
"Ya, it's ok."
"All right then. Let me think about it."
Satisfied by this, she signs off for the night. Or perhaps surfs about for more suitable candidates in the meantime.
The thing is, though, she has all the stereotypes, all the clichés just right--for I have heard this story a hundred times: the wealthy, successful man, the slender, beautiful woman, the expectations of the male and the female, the secondary plots and flings, the vacuous desire for meaningless things, the endless search in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons. Everyone knows this story, and everyone believes it. It is the way things are.
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