Though it may seem a bit strange, I have been invited to attend tonight a surprise party for my wife's boyfriend. I suggested that this might be a bit uncomfortable--not for me, really, but for those friends she has invited--but she disagrees. Well, and she's probably right. These people, to me, are mere acquaintances, as for a long while now, we have not matriculated in the same groups. She has tended to gather with people from her former workplace, salsa enthusiasts and various others, while I have tended to associate mostly with the neighborhood dogs. This is not to say that I am very excited about going, and yet my feeling, now as always, is that if I can be of any help in the fashioning of a stabile, peaceful, secure relationship, I want to do so.
I wrote something not long ago to this effect: There are those who are strong on the outside but weak on the inside; and there are those who are weak on the outside but strong on the inside.
My wife is of the former type. She is quite able when it comes to navigating the 'business' side of the world, in what one might call matters of exterior decoration and functionality, but crumbles quite hopelessly when deeper strengths of heart and spirit are needed. Given to doubt, suspicion, fear and despair, she needs as many immovable stones as possible in times of storm.
New relationships are never easy, and they are especially difficult when they involve a sudden transition from former husband and former wife, as this one does in the cases of she and of her new mate. The expectation that everything will be peachy because, after all, love is involved, is simply unrealistic. The road is bound at first to be quite bumpy indeed, and getting through these particular woods will require fortitude, trust, forgiveness, persistence. Sometimes it's not very much fun at all. I know this, for I have been there three times and failed three times.
And so I understand; and my inclination is to be as helpful and as supportive as possible, such that I may keep myself from being a bane in favor of becoming a blessing.
I wrote something not long ago to this effect: There are those who are strong on the outside but weak on the inside; and there are those who are weak on the outside but strong on the inside.
My wife is of the former type. She is quite able when it comes to navigating the 'business' side of the world, in what one might call matters of exterior decoration and functionality, but crumbles quite hopelessly when deeper strengths of heart and spirit are needed. Given to doubt, suspicion, fear and despair, she needs as many immovable stones as possible in times of storm.
New relationships are never easy, and they are especially difficult when they involve a sudden transition from former husband and former wife, as this one does in the cases of she and of her new mate. The expectation that everything will be peachy because, after all, love is involved, is simply unrealistic. The road is bound at first to be quite bumpy indeed, and getting through these particular woods will require fortitude, trust, forgiveness, persistence. Sometimes it's not very much fun at all. I know this, for I have been there three times and failed three times.
And so I understand; and my inclination is to be as helpful and as supportive as possible, such that I may keep myself from being a bane in favor of becoming a blessing.
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