Scribblers

The trouble with being a writer--or rather with being the sort of person who writes things down (for 'being a writer' sounds, and is, presumptuous, in my case)--is that one creates a record of both the most worthy and the most unworthy thoughts he has had. The worthy thoughts are not generally the problem. It is the unworthy thoughts that risk trouble. These may be taken, though mistakenly so, for a general, and eternal, testimony against his person. They may be taken out of context of time and event. Letting off steam may be, for the writer (the scribbler), a passing fit of distemper, but may also be, for the reader, and especially for the target of the fit, a lasting judgement, a record of the fullness of his feelings rather than an unwise eruption of unworthy feelings. In short, the writer talks to himself, barely thinking of the reader--for if he thought too much about decorum or about how his thoughts might affect any reader whatsoever, he wouldn't be a writer to begin with. He would be silent. Or a politician. But for the writer, writing is sometimes catharsis--and better (he imagines) than kicking the dog or breaking a plate. He himself may look back on what he has written and cringe, and think "Gee, that's not how I really feel at all". More probably, however, he will never again read what he has written, and will be as surprised as anyone to see it again. He will wonder who this was who felt so worked up about something that time has divested of power. The present possesses an undue importance, for all things are digested and utilized for the benefit of the mind and the soul over time. Matters that we address in the moment they are  passing, we address with the emotion of the moment; and we almost always find, when we look back again through the sobriety that is free from the moment, that we had gotten it all wrong--or rather, right in the moment, because we actually did feel that way, but wrong in its essence, in the balance of time. The only good news, really, is that one does learn, over time and through experience, to submit temper to a period of patient reflection, to look upon the passing moment with suspicion, and with a will to understand what it really means.