What the Flu Thinks

I was about to say this morning that being alone is not so bad, but I think I will have to defer judgement until time has released me from the mind- and spirit-dulling effects of the flu, for I have not had time, really, to feel alone or anything else other than simply ill. I don't know if I'm lonely or bored or sad or happy or relieved or hopeful or what have you. I do know that I feel like crap. My idea at present of an exciting part of the day is when it is time to take another pain pill or flu medication. I guess one thing that I could say about these new circumstances is that I feel fortunate to be free of any particular demands, obligations or tasks. I am free, at least, to be as sick as my flu pleases, and as lazy and inactive as it compels me to be. And so the flu is my strange comrade during this period of change. I don't have the time nor the energy to suffer anything else. And though I am not dying, but simply have the flu, I remember a time when my brother was dying and his wife brought a new 'boyfriend' to his hospital room. Very hurtful, it would seem, under any circumstances; but I remember his response, uttered peacefully and with as much breath as he could manage at that late stage. I don't have the energy to engage in this right now. Let it be. There are more pressing matters at hand.