Social Apps

Over the past few days, I've been experimenting with "chat and meet" apps at the insistence of my ex-wife. I suppose that it's a fairly common course taken by one who has left a relationship, having found someone else--a way of setting guilt aside, so to speak--although she certainly has no reason, as far as I'm concerned, to feel guilty. Not at all. But I have to admit, honestly, that I had the same sort of idea after leaving my second wife. I have found someone new, now you can find someone new, and we will all be happy. That's kind of how it goes. 

But anyway, I downloaded a couple apps with the thought that I might at least visit with a few people, and, for the Indonesian app, find a chance to expand my communication skills in the language. 

What I actually found, however, was really rather depressing on a number of levels. For one thing, there is clearly a generous salting of "scammers" in these communities--people who don't exist, for instance; or people who are looking to make some money, and so on. Additionally, the sites themselves are rather bluntly looking to make money--for, in general, in order to actually talk to someone, to connect, one is required to upgrade, at a price, to "gold membership", or whatever. I find depressing, also, simply the huge number of people who are willing to post their hopeful photos in a search for meaningful companionship or relationship. It seems rather perfectly counterintuitive to seek a partnership through randomly flipping through faces, choosing one you like, and hoping, through some long odds, that he or she will also choose you. 

Nor am I very good at navigating such communities, in a technical sense--though that is not the fault of the app, but of my own troubles with cognitive dysfunction.  It may be, as well, that I'm not very good at advertising myself. In the "About Me" section, for instance, I type: I lack only two things--Health and Wealth. Other than that, I'm a pretty nice guy. Curiously, my profile did not gather much interest :)

So anyway, I've deleted the apps now and gotten back to what I like best, which is being left alone. I'm actually serious about the 'health and wealth' thing (although I joke about it, as above). But when you think it through, what woman would be eager to be romantically involved with a man who is ill and has no money? It's kind of a no-brainer, right? What would she have to gain? How would it make her life better? And for that matter, what kind of a man would intentionally burden a woman with his deficits?

There is a certain sense of freedom, ironically, in being cooked, done, washed up, unwanted, unable, unworthy, implausible. Everything else becomes possible--purity, honesty, authenticity, courage, friendship untainted by personal intention or goal. One fears very little, because one has either very little or nothing at all to lose.