Either/Or

Was just thinking this morning how strange and vicious America looks from abroad--even to an American. You get this monolithic sort of picture in black and white of a society that has gone collectively mad. It is a picture of extremes, composed of survey statistics and repetitious talking points. It is easy to see, from afar, exposed only to the headlines and not to the community of people, how many people in foreign countries end up thinking that Americans are bat-shit crazy.

One has to step back for a moment, push aside Facebook and The New York Times and the Huffington Post and Donald Trump and the NRA and return to one's home town, sit again with one's family and neighbors and friends. People are not talking points. Most people don't slavishly agree with any particular political or social stance. They are just people, and they generally tend to get along, and they are often not so sure of exactly where they stand. It's not that simple. 

Take 'the gun issue', for instance. I, personally, have no interest in guns. I have fired guns, I have been on a hunting trip as an observer, and I just wasn't interested. Given the mass shootings in America, I would be inclined to say that they ought to collect all the guns in America and bury them at the center of the earth. At the same time, however, I remember (having stepped back a pace) that each of my second wife's brothers owned one or more guns. Vince, Donny and Frank. I know them well. Each would give you the shirt off his own back if you were in need. Each works hard, supports his family, cares about others. Okay ... so Vince and Donny and Frank don't count. They're okay. I know them well, and I know that they're not about to shoot anyone--children or anyone else.  

Well, the country is full of Vinces and Donnys and Franks. How do they feel about gun control? Probably, like most gun owners, they want to keep their guns. Probably, like most gun owners, they have no argument against reasonable gun laws. Probably they don't want the neighborhood psychotic to have one. Probably, like most Americans, they are willing to obey the law whatever the law is. They use their seatbelts. They use safety seats for their children. They stop at red lights. They pay the taxes which they may personally feel are excessive. It's the law.

It's just not as simple as Republican and Democrat, pro-gun and anti-gun, progressive and conservative. Individual people are more complicated than that. The only time they seem to stand hard-and-fast behind anything is when they are placed there by statistics and graphs. 

To be honest, most people are actually too busy to think overmuch about any of these issues. Most people are doing their best just to get up in the morning and go to work and bring home a check and care for their family and enjoy what little leisure time they have. They are simply normal--not great thinkers, not social activists, not politicians or world changers or extremist crusaders. To go about loudly advertising one or another extreme position would make most people feel foolish. 

We can see the same sort of thing at work when we look at, for instance, the common Muslim and the extremist loudmouth, or even a society under an extremist government. 

Back in 2008 or so, Louis and I hosted foreign exchange students in our home, two or three at a time. Most were Saudi Arabian. What image did we have before they arrived? Well, they would probably be extremely 'religious'. There would probably be things we should be careful about, things we should not say. We should probably not mention 911 or terrorism or repressive religious laws and so on. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, they were just normal people. They criticized their government, they poked fun at the 'religious police, they joked about the hijab and the horrifying surprise that might lurk beneath it. They liked to have a beer, and they shared stories of how they had gotten around alcohol prohibition in their country. They did not like terrorists. They did not like loudmouths. They loved their families. They were interested in learning and in succeeding. They were interested, for the most part, in being our friends. They were interested in having dinner together, sharing a cigarette and a chat, taking a walk with our dogs, sharing stories from their day, learning to speak English more fluently. 

And I learned this: It is not a country full of fanatics. They are not collectively 'mad'. They are not walking, talking political messages or religious megaphones. They are people. Just people. And they love their country, because they were born there, and because it is their heritage. Their families live there. Their brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers. They are no more monolithic stereotypes, no more collectively mad than are Americans. 

We find ourselves curiously reduced by the 'news' that describes us, defined in print yet irreducible in person. We know this very well through daily interaction, and the closer we get to one another, the better and the more we see. Nonetheless, we soon read the news again, and return to easy categories and judgements--liberal/conservative, religious/atheist, Democrat/Republican, black/white. 

Either/Or.