This move to a new residence seems to have exacerbated my MS rather markedly. Too much going on, I guess; too much stress on top of the usual stressors, especially those added ones this time of year involving foreign resident renewal, passport renewal, bike registration; and all of this on top of murderous heat, 34C today, 93.2F. I'm just totally spaced out, running down like a leaky battery. Although my little apartment is a thousand times smaller than the old house in Renon, I can't find anything. How can it be? There are really not many places where things can disappear to--and yet, disappear they do. Where is my phone? Where is my wallet? Where are those cigarettes that I bought? Where is the soap and the shampoo? When I woke up this morning, I was certain that my phone battery had gone dead. Damn, I thought, I'm going to have to buy another one on top of all these other expenses. But as it turns out, my phone battery is not dead. It's holding a charge just fine. Why was I certain it was dead? And am I really so certain that I myself am alive? Well, just barely, it seems, in a minimalist sort of way.
When these sort of things are happening to my brain, I begin to feel panicky. What am I going to do? Who is going to help me if I'm in trouble? I begin to realize how very heavily I relied on Louis, without really noticing the extent of it. She was the one in control, who had everything together, the common thinking part of my brain. Now that's missing, like a lobotomy. No wonder she found it all such a burden. It is a burden to me, and often a non-negotiable one. Shutdown. Tune in (off), turn on (off), drop out.
Ah, but the good news is that I seem 90 percent over the deadly flu. Thankful for that, at least.
And you know, it just occurred to me that I need to have my motorbike serviced. Already a month beyond the recommended period.
I'll think about that tomorrow. Perhaps.
When these sort of things are happening to my brain, I begin to feel panicky. What am I going to do? Who is going to help me if I'm in trouble? I begin to realize how very heavily I relied on Louis, without really noticing the extent of it. She was the one in control, who had everything together, the common thinking part of my brain. Now that's missing, like a lobotomy. No wonder she found it all such a burden. It is a burden to me, and often a non-negotiable one. Shutdown. Tune in (off), turn on (off), drop out.
Ah, but the good news is that I seem 90 percent over the deadly flu. Thankful for that, at least.
And you know, it just occurred to me that I need to have my motorbike serviced. Already a month beyond the recommended period.
I'll think about that tomorrow. Perhaps.
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