Older Men

This is Vyt and Tina, whose wedding party I did make it to yesterday afternoon, despite sore back and threat of rain, and I'm glad I did, for it was a pleasure to visit in person again with my old buddy. I think the last time I saw him was on New Year's Day. 

You will note that Vyt is rather much older than Tina--although exactly what age Tina is, I do not know. This is one peculiar quality of Asian women in general and Indonesian women in particular--they tend to appear quite fresh and young up to the age of about 50 or so, and then some kind of biological or genetic process kicks in, they crash, and suddenly they appear not only their actual age, but older! Weird. 

Another peculiar, and much discussed thing about Asian women is their unusual affection for older men. No end of articles have been written about this. There is no simple, neat explanation. Rather, there seem to be a number of factors at work. One, of course, is riches. The Asian woman, a natural business person, sees a lucrative deal to be made, and makes it. It is not just a matter of how much the man is worth, but how much she herself, in her own estimation, is worth. And so they seek and secure a gainful situation. Love often comes later with the Asian woman. It can be learned, acquired. In fact, it has been said that Asian women do not know what love is, in the western sense. And that could be. Who knows? 

But riches are but one reason, sometimes playing a role in combination with other desires, and sometimes playing no role at all. One other attraction seems to be "status". Whether it seems quite correct or not (again, by western standards of what is correct or appropriate), the Asian woman assigns status to an engagement with western, usually white men, and she knows that her peers ascribe status here as well--to her, that is, as a woman. 

Related to this facet is the Asian fondness for Caucasian features in their children. Nothing seems so desireable as Caucasian features--light skin, a large nose, blue eyes, and so on. Curiously, light skin is rather famously sought after when it comes to the Asian woman's own skin, such that the use of "whitening" products is common, as is a reluctance to go out in the sun without an umbrella or some other thorough covering. This is partly because light skin is considered more comely and partly because dark skin places one in the category of a  lower class individual, a field worker. 

And then there are those, in poorer circumstances, who just want to get out of what seems a guaranteed life of poverty in their own country, given the restrictions of class and education and family and so on. The Indonesian woman is, if nothing else, logical, reasoning, even calculating--though, again, she will see it as a matter of making wise, beneficial choices, both for herself and for her family; for, after all, if she is successful in marrying a foreign citizen and immigrating to his country, she may then sponsor her family members down the road, such that they may join her as well.

But why the affection for men of an older age? This is particularly difficult for westerners to understand (or even to stomach, in some  cases), like "Eww, that guy is sooo old!" I can only guess at these things, but it would seem that the Asian woman finds something particularly attractive about the mature, or weathered facial appearance or the older man. Moreover, she is attracted to the emotional maturity and stability of the older male. In short, she does not care for spoiled, needy, self-centered young men, because the right to be spoiled, needy and self-centered is reserved for the woman herself!  Although Indonesian girls must face being a second class citizen in a Muslim or Hindu culture, they are at the same time commonly treated as royal princesses by their parents, especially by the father. There may therefore be a sort of transference of father figure to husband, along with the expectations that were regularly met by  her father.  Indonesian women do not like to be restricted or suffocated. They love to hang out with their girlfriends for hours on end, and not be questioned or accused or put on a schedule, and so the older man who is sure of himself, and able to amuse himself, and able to give a lot of rope without yanking it all the time, is highly appreciated. 

Indonesia, as I've mentioned before, is much like America 50 years ago and more. The central achievement for the woman is to marry and bear children. In this way, the woman satisfies her function in society, as well as in herself. What is sought most keenly, therefore, is a provider who is reliable, steady, and ready to settle down. Thus, the older man.