I was chatting yesterday with a woman from Sumatra, and she said "I guess most American's don't marry anymore, is that right?"
Hmm. No, it's not right.
Similarly, I remember talking to another woman who expressed the view that Americans have many extramarital affairs. She had seen it on TV and in the movies.
Well, there you have it. TV and the movies. People in faraway countries have no other way of imagining America than as portrayed in popular fiction.
Ironically, I would guess that there are more affairs among Indonesian men and women than there are among Americans, for several reasons. One is that sex outside of marriage, for women anyway, is still taboo in this society, in an official sort of way, at least. Therefore, they are certainly not open about intimate unmarried relationships lest they be rejected by their neighbors (who are probably doing the same), or worse yet arrested.
Additionally, sex 'on the side' is not only common but expected and condoned for married men--and I mean condoned by all, both men and women. It is the way things are. It is the way men are.
Birth control is not commonly used by single women in Indonesia, especially effective birth control, because of the stigma attached, as well as the cost. The doctor knows you are doing it. The pharmacy knows you are doing it. And you know, culturally, that you are not supposed to be doing it. The woman's affected image of purity is therefore often enough demolished by the sudden arrival of an unplanned child.
I knew a young barista in Starbucks who suddenly quit the job. "Hey, what happened to So-and So?" I asked. The whispered explanation was that she was pregnant. "Oh! That guy who works at the Papaya store?" Yes. Shhh. Not so loud, was the reply.
This takes us back about 50 years in American society, doesn't it? I can remember (yes, I'm that old) when a pregnant young unmarried woman was a subject of whispered disdain or pity, even exclusion from polite, moral circles.
Of course, it is also believed that all Americans are rich--thanks again to the movies, and to tourists who are actually rich and visit the islands with their wads of cash. What the local people don't know is that most Americans never even leave America, most often because it is simply financially unfeasible to do so.
They have not seen the cratered inner cities in America. They have not seen the bread lines or the homeless on park benches or the tents in the woods or the crumbling projects or the panhandlers--and they have not seen it because it is not in the movies.
Life, in fact, is easy in America--according to people who have never been there.
Hmm. No, it's not right.
Similarly, I remember talking to another woman who expressed the view that Americans have many extramarital affairs. She had seen it on TV and in the movies.
Well, there you have it. TV and the movies. People in faraway countries have no other way of imagining America than as portrayed in popular fiction.
Ironically, I would guess that there are more affairs among Indonesian men and women than there are among Americans, for several reasons. One is that sex outside of marriage, for women anyway, is still taboo in this society, in an official sort of way, at least. Therefore, they are certainly not open about intimate unmarried relationships lest they be rejected by their neighbors (who are probably doing the same), or worse yet arrested.
Additionally, sex 'on the side' is not only common but expected and condoned for married men--and I mean condoned by all, both men and women. It is the way things are. It is the way men are.
Birth control is not commonly used by single women in Indonesia, especially effective birth control, because of the stigma attached, as well as the cost. The doctor knows you are doing it. The pharmacy knows you are doing it. And you know, culturally, that you are not supposed to be doing it. The woman's affected image of purity is therefore often enough demolished by the sudden arrival of an unplanned child.
I knew a young barista in Starbucks who suddenly quit the job. "Hey, what happened to So-and So?" I asked. The whispered explanation was that she was pregnant. "Oh! That guy who works at the Papaya store?" Yes. Shhh. Not so loud, was the reply.
This takes us back about 50 years in American society, doesn't it? I can remember (yes, I'm that old) when a pregnant young unmarried woman was a subject of whispered disdain or pity, even exclusion from polite, moral circles.
Of course, it is also believed that all Americans are rich--thanks again to the movies, and to tourists who are actually rich and visit the islands with their wads of cash. What the local people don't know is that most Americans never even leave America, most often because it is simply financially unfeasible to do so.
They have not seen the cratered inner cities in America. They have not seen the bread lines or the homeless on park benches or the tents in the woods or the crumbling projects or the panhandlers--and they have not seen it because it is not in the movies.
Life, in fact, is easy in America--according to people who have never been there.
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